i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
