if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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