Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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