I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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