Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
