if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I deserve this hangover.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
