I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
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Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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