Whod you bang
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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