Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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