so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
