If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
