he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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