What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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