The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
