She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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