I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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