Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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