I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
