So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
