marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
