I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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