When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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