He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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