first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
