I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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