I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
