i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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