I must be too annoying 4 u.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
