It's Friday. Sex?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
