You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
