For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
