I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
