remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
