I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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