Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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