i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize