And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
