I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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