dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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