well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
