Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
