fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
