I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
