No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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