hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the liver wants what the liver wants
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
