there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
