Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
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I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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