I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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