We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
