im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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