I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize
