He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
