Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i drank out of a bidet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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