yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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