Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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