Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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