I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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