Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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