If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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