I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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