I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
