there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
