Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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