the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
