I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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