so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
