I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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