Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
