real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
