drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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