fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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