2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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