I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
