can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
