I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
